* inspiration waves

give in,

give up,

            or

            give it your all

On the way home from dinner in L.a last night, there was a homeless man asking for money. Usually I dont give the homeless money because I think they’re just going to buy drugs—but, it was raining, so I couldnt help but give a dollar and cents. I wish I could’ve at least said “Please don’t buy drugs!” and then I thought..

Grandpa, I love you

“Are you home? Grandpa passed away.” Vision became a blur. I was thinking why my mom couldn’t tell me, just because it’s my birthday. I wanted to scream at her because my birthday celebration is every year, this is not. I was in such denial, I was getting so upset but it is all just me. I’m selfish, Grandpa- and I’m more than happy that you’re in a better place. Grandpa, I’m so upset that I didn’t walk into your room last night and instead, just walked by it. I was scared, Grandpa- scared because I didn’t want to see you suffering. I was so upset I didn’t say my last “I love you”. But Grandpa, you know, right? I’m so glad I was able to say I love you as much as I did. I’m glad you would nod your head to tell me you knew. I got so upset that I couldn’t see you today, that Mom said the funeral home was already picking you up. But I will see you Saturday. I  know you love me and I am fortunate that we get to share a day for the rest of my life.

I need to write this small documentation of sacrifice. All those moments I had to give up time of hanging out with the rest of the crowd to get my shit done… I keep thinking “it’s not fair.” But then I threw the question back at me. I mean, what’s not fair? This is exactly what I want to do and once I finally do get there, it will be that much more rewarding because in exchange of now, is my future.